Need help rewriting

Professors Comments:
1) Only the three body paragraphs were required. The introduction and the conclusion were not to be included in the Unit 6 paper. They should be saved for the Unit 8 paper when the thesis will be moved to the end of the introduction. 2) You paper is already over the length limit, so nothing else can be added. Some parts could be deleted, for example: “Samimi and Jenatabadi (2014), point out that” and “In another article, Sandbrook and Güven (2014) asserted that.” Those phrases add nothing to the paper and are distracting. You would have to explain who they are, so eliminate that phrase and others like it. 3) Keep in mind that your paper is not a literature review. It is an essay in which you are to explain your topic clearly and concisely. Also keep in mind that your topic is one that is difficult to understand and you are not writing for economists or for those with Ph.D.’s. Write in a manner that your average reader can comprehend. Explain concepts clearly in non-jargon type language. Clarity is your goal. 4) The Federal Reserve Bank information at the end of the introduction is not cited. 5) Bullet points should not be used in this paper. Everything should be integrated into the paragraphs using transitions. 6) Subtitles should not be used. This is a short paper, 2 – 2 1/2 pages double spaced, and they are not needed. 7) What does this mean: “Globalization makes it possible for huge organizations to comprehend economies of scale “? 8) Do not use the word “we.” 9) Since you are discussing globalization, you must explain which country you are discussing. For example, when you say “federal policy,” do you mean the United States?
My draft of paper:
Globalization has influenced practically every facet regarding today’s lifestyles.
Globalization refers to the action or process of global incorporation as a result of the interchange associated with world perspectives, goods, concepts, as well as other facets of tradition. Improvements in transportation (like the steam train engine, steamship, aircraft engine, as well as container ships) in addition to telecommunications infrastructure (such as the development of the telegraph along with its contemporary progeny, the world wide web as well as cellular phones) happen to be significant aspects of globalization. Therefore, it creates new interdependence associated with monetary as well as social functions. Samimi and Jenatabadi (2014), point out that although a lot of scholars place the beginnings connected with globalization within contemporary days. Some trace its heritage a long time before the Western Age regarding Discovery as well as voyages towards the New World, others even to the 3rd centuries BC (Samimi, & Jenatabadi, 2014). Large-scale globalization started out in the 1820s. Back in the Nineteenth millennium as well as in the early Twentieth century, the connection of the globe’s financial systems and ethnicities expanded rapidly. Globalization has influenced practically every facet regarding today’s lifestyles. Although some individuals in the United States might not have the ability to find Beijing, China on a map, they buy a huge number of products that have been manufactured there. As outlined by a 2010 Government Reserve Bank of San Francisco review, roughly 36.6% of all clothes along with footwear distributed and sold in America were essentially manufactured in China, in comparison to merely 2.4% made locally.
Driving factors of globalization
Samimi and Jenatabadi (2014), opine that public policies along with technological innovation are the two primary driving aspects powering contemporary globalization. New implementations associated with the federal policy, both domestic as well as globally, have opened monetary boundaries for nations across the globe. Within the last two decades, world government authorities have incorporated a free-market financial state into financial guidelines, economic guidelines as well as trade deals. This advancement of monetary models has triggered indigenous development prospective and opened nations around the world to high economic prospects to foreign countries. World governments today concentrate on reducing limitations to trade as well as actively encourage global business in connection with investments, services, and goods (Samimi, & Jenatabadi, 2014).
In another article, Sandbrook and Güven (2014) asserted that technological innovation has additionally been a significant reason behind the expansion of globalization. Enhancements within the information technology (IT) along with the circulation of data across boundaries have motivated people to take power over their monetary lifestyles. Technological innovation has made it easier for individuals to be more knowledgeable regarding commercial developments and enables people to move financial assets as well as benefit from investment opportunities (Sandbrook & Güven, 2014).
How globalization benefit World Economies
Most economic analysts concur that globalization offers a net advantage to personal financial systems across the globe, through creating markets more effective, raising competition, constraining military disputes, and dispersing prosperity more evenly around the globe. Nevertheless, the public has a tendency to presume that the expenses connected with globalization outbalance the rewards, specifically in the interim that contains induced difficulties (Samimi, & Jenatabadi, 2014).
A few of the benefits associated with globalization comprise of:
Foreign Direct Investment
: This is likely to improve at a significantly higher rate that the expansion in global business, facilitating the enhancement of technological transactions, commercial reorganization, as well as the expansion of worldwide organizations.
Technological Innovation
. Elevated competition through globalization facilitates the stimulation of new technological innovation advancement, especially with the expansion in Foreign Direct Investment, which allows improvement of monetary output through making techniques more effective.
of Scale
. Globalization makes it possible for huge organizations to comprehend economies of scale which keep costs as well as prices down, which consequently facilitate additional monetary development, although this could damage a lot of small businesses trying to be competitive within the domestic region.
Globalization is a monetary tsunami which is sweeping the globe. We are not able to prevent it, but there exist some things we are able to undertake in order to reduce its pace and enable it to be fairer. We are able to impose the trade regulations, push the competitors to comply with the same regulations, and cease providing other competition the resources to inevitably win the international battle. Enthusiasts of globalization assert that it has the probability of making this planet a more suitable area to reside in as well as solve many of the deep-seated issues such as poverty and unemployment. Globalization has influenced almost every element of contemporary life and carries on to become an increasing force within the international economic system. Even though there exists many downsides to globalization, a good number of economic analysts concur that globalization is a force that cannot be stopped and is ultimately beneficial to the economy of the globe.
Samimi, P., & Jenatabadi, H. S. (2014). Globalization and economic growth: Empirical evidence on the role of complementarities. PloS one, 9(4), e87824.
Sandbrook, R., & Güven, A. B. (Eds.). (2014). Civilizing Globalization, Revised and Expanded Edition: A Survival Guide. SUNY Press.
Original directions
Unit 6 Discussion Directions
The Unit 6 Discussion is a draft of the Unit 6 paper, which is a formal essay.
The purpose is to demonstrate that you can discuss a topic in writing. This assignment is all about the topic, not about you and not about an article.
Write Draft #1.
Following the Outline, write Draft #1.
Your draft should be
two double spaced pages
. Do not go over 2 ½ pages.
Your draft should have a
labeled thesis statement
at the top.
A thesis is one sentence that tells the readers the topic + the point you are making about the topic.
Your outline should have included one, so you do not need to write a new one.
Write a paragraph for each main idea (#1, 2, and 3 of the outline).
Write this paragraph directly under that section of the outline.
Be sure each paragraph begins with a topic sentence.
The draft must be written in
3rd Person
. That means you may use only certain pronouns.
I, me, my, we, our, us, you, your
= NO!!!!!
He, she, it, his, her, its, they, their, them = YES!!!This writing is objective and formal. Avoid all first and second person pronouns.

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